I had some quiet moments on Friday and found an interesting article, This Country Is In Need of a Miracle, published by the Washington Post. What drew me to the article most specifically was something my colleagues and I had discussed the day before. This week truly is the celebration of miracles: Passover, the deliverance of the Israelites from slavery in Egypt, the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the tomb, and Lailat al Bara-ah for Muslims, the Night of Forgiveness, when God grants the forgiveness of sins. In my view, having these meaningful and holy days occur within the same week is truly beautiful and, in that sense, miraculous. It is a wonderful and needed reminder that there are core values that draw us together and unit us, if only we are peaceful and strong enough to look.
Then I began to think. What miracles do we all need now, in our everyday lives, in our communities and in our world? It seems we are at a point in which we must all look within and see how and where we can be instruments of change. How can we begin to work from right where we are today, tomorrow and the tomorrow after that to foster change in ourselves and change in the world around us? It seems that some of what we all need is to be seen, heard, valued and respected. This is so not only in the good times, when things are easier, but particularly in the challenging times, when we often do not agree.
So what is my role in this, as an individual, professor and psychologist? What principle can I hold close, both in my personal and professional life, to just maybe be a small part of everyday miracles? As I sat with this a bit, i had the idea of what I will call the “Stretch or Snap” Principle. Everyday I work to help people stretch themselves to grow and change in various areas of their lives, whether behaviorally, cognitively, emotionally or inter-personally. For some, the focus is on improving physical health, whether by beginning to exercise or looking at the emotions underlying overeating. At the heart of it, people are working to stretch, both their bodies, and their self awareness, because to make sudden change without this awareness leads to physical or emotional pain. It leads to a snap. Without the stretch, there is surely an unintended pain, or snap.
Think about it, If you snap your tendon, the outcome is severe. You experience physical pain, an inability to move, and a possible incapacity. The same process is also true of our emotions and interactions with others. When there is an emotional or interpersonal snap, there is a deformity or immobility in effective thinking and in the ability to love and be kind to others.
In order to be a part of every day miracles, we must ask ourselves where are we snapping? Is there a snap in your marriage? Is there a snap in your ability to forgive? Is there a snap in your patience or your respect for others? Is there a snap in your kindness or lack of acceptance of others? When there is an emotional or interpersonal snap, it often comes from ineffective thought patterns, fear, anger, and losing perspective.
But if you can identify your snapping point, know that this is an area for your new stretching point. You can then direct your time and energy to being less snappy. The more snap the less peace, tranquility and wisdom we have and the more fear, anger and blaming of others. There is no purpose when we are caught in the snap.
Snappy emotions might be someone who is easily offended, short, curt, always frustrated, critical, bias. It is the snap that makes people resent the good in the lives of others. It is the snap that makes people demean and blame others and exalt the self in attempts to feel worthy or superior.
It these times, we are bombarded with endless examples of disrespect – or snap. But in my day to day work, I see countless people truly working on the stretch. They are working to be better and to do better, for themselves, their families and their communities as a whole. As we pass through this week of miracles, lets take time to find those areas in which we must stretch, and commit to doing so together.