Your Feelings Are Not Facts
It seems that everywhere we turn, we see more and more evidence in support of rising anxiety rates in the United States. It is not surprising then that so many people confuse their feelings for facts, assume their thoughts are always true, and are tormented by the worries that their beliefs define who they are as human beings. Does this sound like you?
Have you ever experienced a ball of tangled thoughts swirling around in your head? Endless chatter of what you should do, should not have done, should do better. These thoughts may include, “Why did you do something so stupid?” “What’s wrong with me?” “I need to prepare for every possibility or bad things will surely happen.” Around and around the internal questions and conversations go, full of uncertainty and self-doubt. Over time, you might find that you are desperate for solutions and correct answers, overwhelmed by indecision, fear and paralysis. This inner chaos can lead you to act recklessly or not to act at all, to speak in hurtful or defensive ways or to be silent.
So you may be wondering just how to quiet the endless chatter in your head and to soothe the related discomfort in your body caused by anxiety. Well, change is possible when we act mindfully. There are many paths to leading a mindful life, and I’d like to take some time to share a few of them with you.
1. Learn to move toward greater acceptance – for your own thoughts and feelings, for events beyond your control, and for other people. By doing so you distance yourself from a preoccupation with anxiety, or avoiding it, and are able to be more present in your present.
2. Commit to change – focus on moving toward the things or the outcomes you want in life. Place your attention there. Acknowledge your thoughts and worries when they come, for to ignore them only strengthens them. But do not let them distract you and take over. Return your focus to what truly matters in your life.
3. Change your behavior through mindfulness – your behavior can move you away from or toward what matters to you. Regardless of your circumstances or your thoughts, you do have a choice. Granted it is often not an easy choice, but a choice nonetheless. Choose those actions that move you toward a better today and tomorrow.
4. Live in the now – acting mindfully and being aware of the here and now is life changing. Oftentimes it leads to the insight that you’re not who you think you are. You begin to learn that your thoughts are your own, but they do not define you. For example, you may think or feel anxious, but that does not mean that you ARE an anxious person. It means that you are experiencing the symptoms of anxiety, but it does not mean that that is who you are forever.
If you are mindful of the here and now, you notice your symptoms, whether racing heart, dry mouth, or those intrusive thoughts pushing you quickly toward the “fight or flight” nervous system response. Living mindfully allows you to observe these symptoms and sensations from a distance, instead of being led by them. Give those sensations or feelings a name and face them head on. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable for a while. Realize that your thoughts and feelings are simply beliefs and sensations that you do not need to compensate for, as they cannot hurt you.
As you become more self aware or mindful, then you can exercise choice over what you do at any given moment. You will no longer act in response to the pressure caused by your thoughts and your feelings, but because you are aware of and are moving toward what you value.
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