Why We Always Notice the Pills in the Sweater
Have you spent a good part of your life noticing what needs to be changed, different or better in your life, and completely ignoring what is going well? It turns out, you are not alone.
“You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind” -Joyce Meyer.
Put another way, we think too much about what goes wrong and not enough about what goes right. As soon as we notice the pills in the sweater, it’s hard to notice anything else. We don’t notice the great color of the sweater, how warm and snuggly it is, the time worn with family and friends that led to the pills in the first place. We just fixate on the pills…..
There’s something adaptive to this of course. Just as we evolved to protect ourselves from the bears (fight or flight) our lives improve when we identify a challange, tackle it and work to make it better. The problem is, there is always something that is not quite right, that could be different….better. In focusing on that, we miss out on the endless simple moments that could bring us contentment, joy and peace.
So, as we approach Thanksgiving, let’s focus on how to begin the shift. If you want to feel happier and more positive, the first step is to shift your focus from those things that are not how you wish they were to those things that bring you happiness and contentment. Of course we strive to improve our lives along the way, just without missing the good stuff while doing so.
There are so many ways to foster positive emotion throughout our day. A simple way might be to take a moment every evening to write down three good things about your day. At times, I notice that young adolescents will tell me what is wrong with their day….what a friend did, what a teacher said. I work with them to tell me three things that went well on that very same day for every negative comment shared. It’s quite simple and it works!
So, my one complaint this morning:
- seem to have more work to do than is humanly possible (I suspect even Wonder Woman might not get the job done).
My three positives this morning are:
- I just had an earnest, open conversation with my adolescent son (HE SHARED!)
- I had an unexpected and wonderful few hours with a dear friend.
- I am enjoying a beautiful, sunny fall morning (my favorite).
What are your three things?
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