How To Quiet Our Craving Minds
In my work as a psychologist, I have been honored to help countless people change habits. Over the years, I have found a few core approaches to be immensely helpful:
First, look at what your pesky habit is, whether checking your Facebook feed (again) at dinner, texting while driving, or eating another piece of cake (muffins, chips, cookies). Ask yourself, not just with your intellectual mind but with your body, “What do I get from this? What is the reward?” It is critical to know what you are getting from a behavior before you can truly change it.
Here’s an example. Let’s say an adolescent repeatedly checks, and posts to, SnapChat. She is able to identify the reward as a sense of belonging or a perceived avoidance of being left out. But, upon further exploration, she is also able to admit that the near constant checking or streaking is causing very high levels of nervousness or anxiety and is proving quite the distraction from other important activities, such as school work or meaningful interaction with friends. With this in mind, it is easier to consider the possibility of breaking the habit or craving and finding better ways of meeting the underlying need.
Second, it is critical to integrate the feedback provided to us by the body. Here I often use the acronym RAIN, discussed by practitioners including Tara Brach and Judson Brewer. The R in RAIN represents Recognize. Of course, we must recognize when we are caught up in a habit. Using the example above, the first step is to recognize that I am, after merely two minutes, checking SnapChat yet again. The A in RAIN is Acceptance. Why must we accept the craving? Well, usually the cravings are uncomfortable so we choose to indulge in them (check SnapChat again….and again), or attempt to stuff the negative emotions or feelings associated with the cravings. In either case we are pushing against discomfort, which only strengthens the cravings further. Instead, we must turn toward and accept the uncomfortable feelings. Then ask yourself, “What does the craving actually feel like in my body right now?“ This then moves us to I for Investigate. Here we are curious, diving into our bodies to determine what the craving really feels like, whether a racing heart, pit in the stomach, or persistent, negative thoughts. Finally, the N for Noting allows us to note (in our mind or in writing) what the craving feels like in the body.
Engage in this process over and over again, any time you have a craving. This helps you to tolerate the discomfort, investigate the craving and eventually lessen the impact of cravings. Bring an attitude of curiosity, and fun, to this process. Ultimately, you will learn that you can tolerate some discomfort, do not have to indulge in the cravings, and can develop healthier alternatives.
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